In an endless search to find my own way through this life, I’ve immersed myself in almost every program and self-help group imaginable. I always knew that I needed help, but had no idea where or how I could actually find it. All I knew is that the further into addiction I sank, the less of myself I could actually recognize, and at the rate I was going, there was no end in sight.
In desperation, I tried to seek help in various treatment centers, 12 step groups, one on one counselling and recovery houses in hopes of saving myself. They were all honest attempts to stay clean but there were brief periods of sobriety and sooner or later I always found myself back at the bottom.
Failure became a pattern for me, and I felt alone in my head and heart, and I didn’t feel like anyone could understand or help me, so I gave up trying. It was then that I finally found the freedom necessary to gear full throttle into addiction, and only then was I able to hit my rock bottom for good.
So, with my multiple year sentence that I served as a result of the damage I created, I decided to re-visit my search for understanding and inner peace. It was only then that I was willing enough to actually accept all of the teachings that were available to help me. And at that point, re-creating my self-image became my new obsession.
What I found, after years of studying and application, is that the answers we all need for our own personal growth are usually established in the simplest form. For me, I was always looking for that one thing to fix all of my problems, that perfect quick fix. I thought that if I tried harder in one area of my life, that it would fix everything else. If only I worked out harder, or saved some money, or sought God everything would be okay. But the truth that I finally discovered was that I had disproportions in, not just one, but all areas of my life, and that the quick fix I was looking for just didn’t exist.
In the Sweat Ceremonies I regularly attended in prison, the Native Elder would always speak on the four directions. These represented the mental, emotional, physical and spiritual aspects of every man. We would suffer inside the lodge for the four rounds and pray for each direction. And what I would pray for is the balance of them all.
You see, I realized that each of those areas needed the same amount of attention and care to allow me to progress in life. Spending too much time focused on one or two areas alone just causes more problems. A wheel won’t spin right if it’s lopsided, and so it is the same with life. So, if you’re lost somehow in this life, remember to take time out for number one. Look to the four directions and seek balance. If it could work for me, it could work for you too.